I just want to cry…

It was around 7:30 in the evening when a big van of UPS drove up my driveway and stoped behind my parked car. I gave it a glance from my kitchen window while washing the dishes, feeling exhausted from the day’s chores and a nasty cold that has been draining my energy since the beginning of the week.”Oh, some order arrived” I thought passively and uninterested, unlike any other day when I anticipate receiving a package.

I was frustrated. That same day an incident had me questioning the intentions and the quality of some of the people I interact with. How “just typical” and superficial can human relationships be? Sometimes I feel as if  my code of honor is too heavy for some to digest… yet it is so light and simple. Has the world changed that much? Am I some kind of fossil of an era when sincerity, trust, selflessness or respect had an actual meaning?

I couldn’t get it out of my mind: How easily can one back down on his word, especially when the other party has run miles to keep his? And I ‘m not talking about silly things… I never worried myself over unimportant stuff even when these had left a bitter taste in my mouth or they – no matter how insignificant and small – gave me a big slap on the face. I have a special category for these kind of situations: Category BIG X. And life goes on. No hard feelings. No remorse, no regrets, no intention to avenge.. Besides, after coming twice close to death, you realize  life is too short, too little to deal with littleness.

I opened my door and got out in the driveway. The driver of the van scanned a long rectangular green box and handed over to me after I signed. “It’s a little late for Valentine’s day” he said and gave me an almost guilty smile for bringing the parcel two days after Valentine’s day. “It’s never too late to express love” I instinctively replied.

My kids came at the entrance curious to see what the package was. “It’s from dad for Valentine’s!” I heard my son saying when he inspected the box externally and didn’t find any clue with regards to the sender.. “Open it!” But since the moment I took the package in my hands I knew it wasn’t from my husband: He had already offered me roses in advance, knowing he was going to be away from home for Valentine’s. It wasn’t any of my,  typical for Maui, online orders either. “No, it’s not from your dad, I know who it is from…” I replied and started opening the box feeling tears coming down my face.

The minute I opened the package my son just grabbed the card out of the box: “Oh!  it’s from Dona and the kids! They are sooo sweet! I soooo miss them mom!”… My daughter took out the teddy destined for her and gave it a hug, her eyes smiling: “I so want to go and visit them!! Please mom! please! Promise we will go!”

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I took the flowers and arranged them in the vase that had been included in the box. I filled the vase with water and threw in the plant food following the instructions. And while the powder started dissolving in the fresh water so did my doubts, my worries, my questions on human relationships..

If I am a fossil of an era when sincerity, trust, selflessness or respect had an actual meaning, at least I know I’m not alone. You are godsend Dona. You are an angel. A real blessing. And our paths will cross again. And again.. And again..

I sincerely, selflessly and respectfully trust in you.

Thank You. Thank You. Thank You a million times.

Love You and Miss You…

 

 

 

The month of LOVE

Not because it’s Valentine’s Day. I am an Anti-Valentine after all, remember? (check my “Postcards from an Anti-Valentine” post here).

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February is the month when my two sister souls celebrate their birthdays, two days apart. Two lovably crazy aquarians, two amazing women to whom I entrust my innermost thoughts and feelings and from whom I receive huge waves of love and strong doses of affection.
We all three are split in three different countries and spread miles apart though: USA – United Arab Emirates – Bahrain. I miss them. I soooo miss them.  I wish it was that easy to just grab a plane and go and celebrate with them. I wish they would just knock on my door in the mornings – just like that, without any prior notice – and join me for coffee when still in my pajamas and my hair a mess. I wish we skipped the yoga class and chit chat instead.. just because we have awesome bodies anyways and our conversations have the same value as meditation.
 I love you girls! May all your wishes come true and may we meet soon, very soon.. be it in Hawaii, in Athens, in Manama, in Cyprus, in Abu Dhabi… wherever.

 

100 days – 100 thoughts

It has been a while since my last post and some of you already know the reason for this absence. My health adventure is past now and although it hasn’t been exactly 100 days since my surgery, more than 100 thoughts already passed my mind, some of which I would randomly like to share with you.
1. I love life.
2. Life must love me too. After all, I was given another chance.
3. Life is short but can be full. And should be meaningful.
4. Thank God I still have more time to find the meaning of life. If I ever do find a meaning, besides “living”.
5. Yes, I believe in God, do you have a problem with that?
6. FYI There exist saints and angels here and now. I know I met them. Find your own, there shouldn’t be farther than your side, all you need to do is call them.
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Minutes before…
7. Smile, smile, smile. Even your enemies cannot resist a broad smile. It will fill them with questions and you with giggles.
8. By the way, fashion wise the hospital nailed it. Green open back mini robe, white tights and blue beanie. Eco-friendly, au naturel and such. Oh so chic!
9. I enjoy a full supportive, loving, caring network of mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters and friends. I got reminded of that a second time in my life. You don’t need to go through what I did to check your surroundings and spot your family.
10. I owe so much to my lovely husband and our two incredible kids, I don’t think I can ever repay. Unless washing their underwear for a few more years does the job.
11. Being sad for whatever you face makes you ugly. Being angry for your bad luck makes you a monster. Being silent when you want to shout makes you a ticking bomb. Expect it to blow up in your face sooner or later. 
12. Drinking a glass or two of wine every night doesn’t make you a drunk, a bottle does.
13. You know the saying: “Whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”? Totally BS. This whatever can actually make you more vulnerable.
14. No money whatsoever can buy you total health. But be sure you can get the maximum of the health your money can buy. So be wise and get a good life insurance.
15. In some countries and for some doctors no.14 has no good use in any case, in any way and however much money you have. They simply don’t give a shit if you live or die. How sad.
16. I love Europe and I am proud I am Greek. My country is the best of all I have visited so far (and they are many). Eat your guts!
17. It’s ok not to like some people. It doesn’t mean you want bad things to happen to them, you just disapprove their negative effect on you. And you keep them out of your life. That being said I hate arrogance and lying.
18. I love flowers. Peonies in particular. Very few know this favorite of mine. My heart simply melts in the sight and smell of peonies.
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I love peonies!
19. So now you have no excuses to bring me other flowers than peonies. And gosh they are hard to find.
20.Those 4-5 kilos I gained after exiting the hospital? Screw them, they will go on their own when they decide to. I can’t even bother for a diet now. Besides most of the fat went to where it should go. The downside to this is that I have to buy new bras, no big deal about it.
21. And can please someone tell me who are these people who decide about beauty standards? Cause even if it’s “wrong” I gained weight, I feel much sexier now! Who nulled thousands of years of Aphrodites and Renaissance women curves? (It’s a rhetorical question, I don’t expect any answer).
22. Thank you. And you. And you. And you. Thank you ALL!
23. — Censored —
24. — Censored —
25. I shouldn’t forget to revisit and update this post with all the “censored” thoughts. “Censored” is a temporary status. So is my stay on earth. 🙂
26. What happens next nobody knows, what happens now is up to you to define and correct if necessary.
27. What happens between friends, stays between friends.
28. Be open. In the mind, in your heart, in your soul. But just in case keep the key to your gates in your hands. You never know when you might want to lock someone out of your little heaven. And it’s alright.
29. I don’t want to settle, I don’t want to set. But since this is inevitable, I hope I rise again. Like the sun.
IMG_780030. I love you. And you. And you. And you. I love you ALL!
31. Everything is music to my ears. Every little sound. Your every little breath. And snore (more like heavy metal music).
32. By the way, listen:
33. They may have removed my tumor but not my humor. I wish people had more of this uplifting gift. Humor is the best way to deal with any obstacle in your way.
34. When you don’t give yourself the chance to ask for a break, yourself will make it so yourself can take it. Automatic process.
35. Don’t put too many things on your plate and then try to juggle with all of them. At the end you will have your “pasta” on the face. Relax. Take your time. Life is not a race.
36. TAKING A SMALL BREAK- SORRY I HAVE TO RUSH TO PICK UP MY KIDS.
37. The formula to a long lasting relationship? Scientists say they found it: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/10690668/Have-scientists-devised-the-formula-for-lasting-love.html – Yeah, right.
38. I have my own equation to lasting love: Sex should definitely exceed in times the fighting. Fighting should not include any physical or mental harm. What does that mean? Well I don’t know, ask a shrink, he probably doesn’t know either.
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photo credit: Brandon Christopher Warren via photopin cc
39. Who am I a kidding? I know nothing about relationships. I guess finding the perfect mate depends on luck. And maybe kismet.
40. I’m not the only one. And I’m not alone.
41. Hello? Are you still with me?
42. Too much thinking brings you too much trouble.
43. I know, I’m a little crazy. And funny. And lovable. And… (up to you to complete that sentence, but honestly I don’t care).
44. Besides, there is no great genius without a mixture of madness. (not mine, – Aristotle said it first).
45. It could have been worse.
46. Palestine, Syria, Ukraine, Iraq… War, Famine, Greediness, political and religious extremism, The end of freedom …What is f.. wrong with you people? Didn’t history teach you ANYTHING at all? When will we learn? We all need one another, we are all one.
47. Irrelevant:  FB(I) note: I wonder who are these friends of yours who don’t mind you calling them “bitches”. It’s not funny and it’s not cute. Don’t they get it yet that you’re telling them they are YOUR bitches? Low self-esteem bitches. It can’t get any lower than that.
48. Relevant:  Sorry but I am honest, “a friend to all is a friend to none”. (not mine, – Aristotle again).
 49. Cigarette cravings. I hate them. Can’t even enjoy my coffee anymore. Where’s science when you need it? Shouldn’t there be a perfectly “healthy” cigarette?
50. It’s not about destination. It’s about the journey. And you must learn to love this journey with all its “mumps and bumps”.
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Commissioned art work by Stella Stylianou. Find about her art by clicking on the photo. 

 

51. Refer to no.22
52. Refer to no.30
53-99 I might keep something for myself this time around…Anyways it is boring stuff you really don’t want and don’t need to know.
100. And please… don’t take any of these thoughts too seriously. Thoughts come and go and they may change over time. Life is a river of change.
The thing is that I’m back with a fresh mind and new “hardware” to start all over again from where I took the break. The software update didn’t quite succeed, with the basic functions of shopping, credit card spending and the likes still working fine as before, to the dismay of my significant other who had given the doctor specific upgrade instructions. Unfortunately no reset button installed either. “Stepford Wife project” totally failed. haha.
So what about you? How was your summer? Share a thought!

Postcards from an Anti-Valentine…

Yes. I admit it. I am an Anti-Valentine, and find all the sudden “love striken” couples specifically for Valentine’s day lukewarm at best. I hold nothing against love, I am a loving person, it’s the idea showing your love on that specific day (and sometimes the only day) that I oppose to… Anyways, I think this is too nice to just let it pass…
So, to all of you who don’t actually believe that there should be a “special day” to celebrate love, that includes me…
Past Valentine’s day, my soul sister had sent me a Valentine’s card and I was soooo touched!

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For it made my day special and couldn’t care less if it was Valentine’s day. She gave me a break from my busy routine to remind me how we feel and how much we care for each other even if we live miles apart. Valentine’s day was just the trigger for her to shoot that message on my phone. It could have been any other day, like the one when we discovered this photo from photographer Gay Block on our friend’s coffee-table book…

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…. and in a flash and giggles we imagined our distant future together…retirees and widows somewhere in Miami enjoying our remaining time, our kids looking for us …
But we are still young (at least at heart and spirit) and have lots of fun (whenever we get together). And when it’s been time since we last got together my sister makes sure to remind me that we need some friend therapy..

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There are no boundaries in love, no sexes, no races, no ages, no miles and certainly no special days, for love makes every day a special one.

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