Hawaii Missile Alert Madness: A Witty Look on 38-Minute Panic

On January 13, 2018, Hawaii residents were jolted by a message no one ever expects to see: “BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.” For 38 minutes, we grappled with the idea of impending doom, only to later find out it was a false alarm. While the panic was real, the absurdity of the situation also left plenty of room for reflection—and, in my case, a healthy dose of sarcasm.

This Is Not a Drill: A Witty Look Back at Hawaii ’s False Missile Alert

In this poem I wrote on the occasion of the 7th anniversary of the incident, I revisit that surreal day with a humorous lens because sometimes laughter is the only way to process the chaos. I hope you enjoy it!

Who pressed my red button?

Exactly 7 years ago we woke up to an alert… 
That’s when we believed it was our last day on planet Earth… 

“This is not a drill”, the message said 
It seemed Kim Jong-un had sent a threat 
With a ballistic missile, Hawaii was served 
Being the closest to the enemy’s nuclear bed. 
The rest of the world would follow suit, 
Mobile service was abruptly cut - “Shoot!”

“Wake up and get dressed!” Hubby ordered   
But - by no shelter was our house bordered
To my remark “This must be a joke!”
Hubby replied, “There’s sure a fire where there is smoke!”

I got out of the house to assess the situation: 

People in the streets screaming, 
New Age prophets streaming: 
“Repent, or else…”
Parents looking for their kids 
- are we dreaming? - 
behind the fence…

How long have we left 
until we are totally effed? 

15? 20 minutes? 

Up in Kula it was sunshine, no rain 
- I looked at the Haleakala, 
- I looked at the ocean, 
Beautiful scenery, I felt a pain, 
How could it be in just one day, 
Our lives would go astray? 

A house full of windows, no place for us to hide, 
At least our kids were by our side, 
If anything, in Hawaii we learn to ride the tide 
Come! Let’s sit and watch the spectacle outside! 

One last show, until we evaporate. 

We hugged and waited in silence. 

38 minutes, and 13 seconds since the message. 

And then…

*ring* 

It came. 

“FALSE ALARM” the message read. 
For heaven’s sake, who pressed my button red? 

-Evie Varthi

How would you react in a similar situation? Let me know in the comments!